Three Rules For Cracking The Code To “Happiness”
Before we learn about how to crack the code to happiness, perhaps it’s important to understand or define what happiness is.
Now let’s start with the definition of happiness as it is taught to us from a young age in the form of stories, movies, music and other societal programming. This type of happiness is associated with high intensity moments of excitement, laughter and essentially a dopamine hit. “Happiness” has been taught to us as something that exists in a future state. It’s been taught to us that happiness is felt when we get that degree, get that job, get that house, get that relationship and the list goes on. It’s taught that it is something we always need to be in a quest for. it’s a lose-lose game cause it’s designed to always be something that cannot fully be felt until something at a future state is achieved.
A lot of the times, the sense of “happy” that is felt when a goal is achieved is fleeting and we’re soon programmed to look for that next thing to achieve.
How do we break out of this cycle? Well, we can start by re-defining “Happiness”. I’ve found that majority of the time, when we say we want to be happy we’re actually looking for feelings of wholeness, fulfillment, joy, peace and calm. If we shift how we see happiness as something that is felt as contentment in the daily mundane we’re more likely to sustain it.
Rule 1: Do Not Compare - “Comparison is a thief of happiness” - Theodore Roosevelt.
I believe that we all understand how comparison can be the thief of happiness in theory. Especially in the age of social media, it’s so easy for us to go down the rabbit hole of comparison where we compare our state of being or level of “happiness” to other people’s highlighted “happiness”. We attach our sense of worth to how we appear to others than how we feel on the daily. One way to trick your mind to not compare is to genuinely make your own life interesting to YOU. Not interesting to your neighbors, your friends, your parents or other people on social media. You have to make it so interesting to yourself that your mind is so present in the moment and purely focused on that exciting thing that you’re doing that there’s no mental space or time available to what someone else is or isn’t doing. Now the question is how do you find things that are interesting to you? I suggest starting with just thinking about the last few times you were engaged in something (an activity, a hobby, a practice) that made you forget about the world? Make a list of those moments and do more of what you were doing then. Sometimes this can be as simple as connecting more with the people around you. Picking up the phone and talking to people who inspire you and motivate you. The possibilities are endless. The pure act of making this list is just as exciting if you allow yourself to feel it.
Rule 2: Do Not Expect - “Expectation is the root of all heartache” - William Shakespeare.
Before we go into discussing further, it’s important to state that the “expectations” we will be discussing here isn’t bare minimum expectations of a partner sharing responsibilities or an employee not performing as required. These are expectations that are valid and essential in running our day to day. The “expectations” we will be discussing here is expecting more than the bare minimum. Things like expecting grand gestures, lavish gifts or maybe even someone’s presence in your life to fill an emotional void are all set ups for failure. Sometimes even expectations parents set on their children’s futures or children expecting their parents to support them unconditionally can lead to a lot of emotional hurt. And so, accepting people for who they are and letting people just be as they are is what we need to be at a state of internal peace and happiness, which is can be sustainable.
Rule 3: Live a Life Of Service - “We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give” - Winston Churchill
Research shows that living a life of service leads to dopamine release in the brain. It’s because when you’re doing something nice for someone, you feel important, you feel needed, you feel worthy. Althgouth some may say this is a selfish pursuit, I don’t believe there is harm in engaging in acts of service that create a positive net outcome. However, there is a caveat to this rule. You can only strive to be of service to another after you are completely giving to yourself and have taken care of yourself. Your glass (regardless of how small or large it is) needs to be so full that the giving comes from the overflow of it.
In conclusion, when we start looking at “happiness” as a future state by comparing our lives to others and expecting someone to come in and save us we will be in an never ending loop of running after something that doesn’t exist. Instead, if we turn the focus inwards and start engaging in our passions and doing it with a sense of presence and purpose, we’re more likely to find fulfillment and wholeness which are all in my opinion synonyms to happiness. Your happiness is what you want it to be and it’s on you to go out there are create it.
